The Slavery of Death: Part 19, The Denial of Death

In Part 17 we discussed William Stringfellow's analysis of Death and the Powers. According to Stringfellow, the "idol of all idols is death." Death is the force that sits behind the Powers. And recall the diversity of the Powers. A list from Stringfellow includes:

[The Powers] include all institutions, all ideologies, all images, all movements, all causes, all corporations, all bureaucracies, all traditions, all methods and routines, all conglomerates, all races, all nations, all idols. Thus, the Pentagon or the Ford Motor Company or Harvard University or the Hudson Institute or Consolidated Edison or the Diners Club or the Olympics or the Methodist Church or the Teamsters Union are principalities. So are capitalism, Maoism, humanism, Mormonism, astrology, the Puritan work ethic, science and scientism, white supremacy, patriotism, plus many, many more—sports, sex, any profession or discipline, technology, money, the family...
That's a lot of stuff. How is it all connected to death? According to Stringfellow each of these things is a created thing. This echos Romans 1:
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles...They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
The point for Stringfellow is that as created things--products of human activity and thought--the Powers are subject to death. Thus, the morality of the Powers--the "angel" or spirituality of the Powers--is survival, fending off death. Death here is revealed to be the god being served. Consequently, as humans serve the Powers they serve Death. Thus, to be possessed by the Powers is to be enslaved to death. Stringfellow once more on this connection:
Death is the only moral significance that a principality proffers human beings. That is to say, whatever intrinsic moral power is embodied in a principality—for a great corporation, profit, for example; or for a nation, hegemony; or for an ideology, conformity—that is sooner or later suspended by the greater moral power of death. Corporations die. Nations die. Ideologies die. Death survives them all. Death is—apart from God—the greatest moral power in this world, outlasting and subduing all other powers no matter how marvelous they may seem for the time being.
I think Stringfellow is right in all this, but I think his analysis needs to be deepened. It is true that the Powers, as human products, are corruptible. Thus, to spend a life serving a Power is to serve an idol, a corruptible thing. But this points to a Sisyphean futility rather than to a "slavery to the fear of death," let alone to "the demonic." Stringfellow's analysis points us to Ecclesiastes where all is found to be "vanity of vanities." But how does his analysis connect to Hebrews 2 and the "slavery to the fear of death"?

To connect Stringfellow's analysis of the Powers to "the slavery of the fear of death" I'd like to, finally, bring in the work of Ernest Becker. With this connection we'll have in hand a psychological understanding of what it means to be, in the words of Hebrews 2, all our lives enslaved to the fear of death. More, we'll understand how this enslavement produces the "works of the devil," bringing us full circle back to Christus Victor theology.

Our discussion of Becker will be in two parts. In this post I'll summarize the important points from Becker's monumental The Denial of Death. The Denial of Death with help us understand what it might mean to be "enslaved to the fear of death all our lives." In the following post I'll turn to Escape from Evil, the sequel to The Denial of Death. Escape from Evil will help us understand why this slavery to the fear of death produces the "works of the devil."

Ernest Becker begins his analysis in The Denial of Death by focusing on our need for self-esteem, our craving for our life to be significant and meaningful--to both ourselves and to others. Becker describes this as a striving for heroism, suggesting that “our central calling, our main task on this planet, is the heroic.”

This heroism--a feeling of significance--is achieved by following cultural pathways that mark a life, within any given culture, as both admirable and well-lived:
this is what a society is and always has been: a symbolic action system, a structure of statuses and roles, customs and rules for behavior, designed to serve as a vehicle for earthly heroism. Each script is somewhat unique, each culture has a different hero system. What the anthropologists call “cultural relativity” is thus really the relativity of hero-systems the world over. But each cultural system is a dramatization of earthly heroics; each system cuts out roles for performances of various degrees of heroism… It doesn’t matter whether the cultural hero-system is frankly magical, religious, and primitive or secular, scientific, and civilized. It is still a mythical hero-system in which people serve in order to earn a feeling of primary value, of cosmic specialness, of ultimate usefulness to creation, of unshakable meaning. They earn this feeling by carving out a place in nature, by building an edifice that reflects human value: a temple, a cathedral, a totem pole, a skyscraper, a family that spans three generations. The hope and belief is that the things that man creates in society are of lasting worth and meaning, that they outlive or outshine death and decay, that man and his products count.
For example, I'm an American college professor. This marks out a "hero system" that can give my life significance and meaning. That is, there are various things I can do within his hero system to be "successful" and feel good about myself. For example, I can publish articles and get good student evaluations. Such things mark me as being "good" at what I do and I get, as a result, a self-esteem buzz, a sense that my life "matters." Think of the hero systems you live within. What are the things you'll do today to feel successful and win praise from others?

So far so good. We all strive to be “heroic,” to achieve self-esteem in lesser or greater ways by comparing ourselves to some hero/value system rooted in our cultures. But what is motivating this need for heroism?

Becker argues that quest for self-esteem is fundamentally an attempt to cope with the terror of death: “heroism is first and foremost a reflex of the terror of death.” This implies that culture itself, the routes toward heroism, is massively engaged in death denial, the repression of death awareness. As Becker notes, “cultures are fundamentally and basically styles of heroic death denial.”

That's a pretty big claim. To take one example, Becker is saying that the "American way of life" is a defense-mechanism. A hero/value system that helps us cope with and transcend death anxiety

Where does Becker come up with this?

According to Becker, the higher cognitive and symbolic capacities of humans make our workaday lives existentially unbearable. The specter of death looms over all, making a mockery of our life projects. Our primal instincts for self-preservation are brought up short in the face of our cognitive capacities that inform us death is unavoidable. This clash—the instinct for self-preservation with an ever-present death awareness—creates an extreme burden of anxiety that other animals are spared:
The knowledge of death is reflective and conceptual, and animals are spared it. They live and they disappear with the same thoughtlessness: a few minutes of fear, a few seconds of anguish, and it is over. But to live a whole lifetime with the fate of death haunting one’s dreams and even the most sun-filled days—that’s something else. It is only if you let the full weight of this paradox sink down on your mind and feelings that you can realize what an impossible situation it is for an animal to be in.
This experiential burden threatens madness or despair. How do we make life “count” in the face of death? It is at this point where cultural hero systems step in to provide paths toward death transcendence, a means toward a symbolic (or literal) immortality. Life achieves significance and meaning when we participate in these “greater goods” that can outlive or transcend our finite existence. We can create a life that matters through reaching for symbolic, if not literal, immortality. My life is deemed meaningful because my children outlive me or I wrote a book or I helped the company have its best quarter of the year. Children, book and company are all forms of "immortality," a way to living into the future in an effort to "defeat" death.

The upshot of this analysis—that we strive for a heroic existence and that cultural hero systems are helping us cope with the terror of death—is that our identity is being driven by death anxiety.

Here we are at the hub of the argument I want to make. What does it mean to say that we are "enslaved all our lives to the fear of death"? With Becker we are getting a vision of what this looks like. Recall, in earlier posts I said that our fear of death is largely unconscious and neurotic in nature (though, of course, the fear of death can become overt and acute in life-threatening situations). With Becker the mechanics of all this are revealed. Self-esteem, the bedrock of our identity, is revealed to be a form of denial, an existential defense mechanism, an illusion to help us avoid the full force of our existential predicament.

This is why Becker calls human character—our personal route toward self-esteem—a vital lie. Our identity is a lie because it is a fundamental dishonesty, in the moment, about our true existential situation. More, this lie obscures the fact that our self-esteem is borrowed, that it rests upon a cultural hero system. The lie hides the fact that my self-esteem is fundamentally a form of idolatry, a service rendered to the cultural hero system--the principality and power.

But this dishonesty is vital as this daily obfuscation is necessary for the human animal to continue on in the face of death. Again, the existential burden death places upon us is impossible. So culture helps us bear this burden, largely through repression and sublimation, by providing us routes of identity-formation via cultural heroics. Here is Becker on these dynamics:
We called one’s life style a vital lie, and now we can understand better why we said it was vital: it is a necessary and basic dishonesty about oneself and one’s whole situation…We don’t want to admit that we are fundamentally dishonest about reality, that we do not really control our own lives. We don’t want to admit that we do not stand alone, that we always rely on something that transcends us, some system of ideas and powers in which we are embedded and which support us. This power is not obvious. It need not be overtly a god or openly a stronger person, but it can be the power of an all-absorbing activity, a passion, a dedication to a game, a way of life, that like a comfortable web keeps a person buoyed up and ignorant of himself, of the fact that he does not rest on his own center. All of us are driven to be supported in a self-forgetful way, ignorant of what energies we really draw on, of the kind of lie we have fashioned in order to live securely and serenely. Augustine was a master analyst of this, as were Kierkegaard, Scheler, and Tillich in our day. They saw that man could strut and boast all he wanted, but that he really drew his “courage to be” from a god, a string of sexual conquests, a Big Brother, a flag, the proletariat, and the fetish of money and the size of a bank balance. The defenses that form a person’s character support a grand illusion, and when we grasp this we can understand the full drivenness of man. He is driven away from himself, from self-knowledge, self-reflection. He is driven toward things that support the lie of his character, his automatic equanimity.
...
the armor of character was so vital to us that to shed it meant to risk death and madness. It is not hard to reason out: If character is a neurotic defense against despair and you shed that defense, you admit the full flood of despair, the full realization of the true human condition, what men are really afraid of, what they struggle against, and are driven toward and away from.
...
It can’t be overstressed, one final time, that to see the world as it really is is devastating and terrifying. It achieves the very result that the child has painfully built his character over the years in order to avoid: [character-building hero systems] makes routine, automatic, secure, self-confident activity possible.
Let's go back and reconnect with Stringfellow and the Powers. As seen above, particularly in the first of these three quotes, Becker agrees with Stringfellow: we serve the Powers, we engage in idolatry. But why? What motivates this service? According to Becker, it's the fear of death. We want our lives to "matter." We want our lives to "last." But how? How do we "matter" and "last" in the face of death? Answer: We serve the idols (hero systems) of the culture. The company, the political party, the ideology, the religious denomination, the nation. These idols are "bigger" than we are which tricks us into thinking they are able to last and transcend death. Consequently, if we serve these idols our life becomes "meaningful" and "successful" and "immortal."

So we serve a Power. We pour our lives into the idols--these engines of self-esteem and "immortality"--and feel, on a day to day basis, that we are living meaningful lives. But are we really? Let's remember the message of Ecclesiastes!
“Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”
What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?
We can spend our whole lives trying to be "successful." But as Stringfellow has pointed out, death outlasts it all. This is why Becker calls our sense of self-esteem a "lie." I think the Teacher of Ecclesiastes would agree.

This brings us to an earth-shattering conclusion. We are enslaved to the fear of death because our self-esteem is, at root, a defense-mechanism involved in death repression. Ponder that. Think about everything you are currently pursuing in your life that is outside of God. Your dreams, goals, and New Year's resolutions. Think about everything you use to pat yourself on the back, all those things that make you feel good about yourself, or special, or better than others. Maybe you're good at your job. Or your kids are talented. Maybe you have a great marriage. Perhaps you are good looking or are in really good shape. Maybe you're really smart. Maybe your blog gets a lot of page views. Maybe a lot of people "liked" your quip on Facebook.

Think about all those things, all those things that make us feel that our lives are "important" or "unique."

Then read Ecclesiastes.

Suddenly you'll see Becker's point about self-esteem being a lie.

Personal example of this. The copies of my new book arrived. So I brought one home to show Jana and the boys. We were all very happy. Later I said to Brenden, my oldest:
"Brenden, you know what Ecclesiastes says about writing books?"

"What?" he replied.

"Well, of the making of books there is no end."
I wasn't trying to be a downer. This isn't about a morbid self-esteem or an effort at self-mortification. It was about resisting the lie, about realizing that my self-esteem is being seduced on a daily basis by the Father of Lies who uses my fear of death to enslave me with the lure of "significance." I was simply reminding myself that the cultural hero system I live within--the college professor hero system--is an idol. Writing a book doesn't make me matter. Doesn't make me better. Won't make me immortal.

True, writing a book might make be "better" within the hero system as I compare myself to others and reap self-esteem benefits. But this is the devil's trap. It is an example of how my fear of death--the craving to matter and have something outlive me--is keeping me enslaved to sin.

How so? Well, if I get any self-esteem from the book I get trapped in a host of sinful practices. Pride. Jealously. Even depression if no one buys the book. This is why we are describing self-esteem as a defense mechanism. My feelings about the book and its reception make me defensive. Why? Because I need the book. The book makes me feel heroic. And I need that heroism to make me feel that my life counts in the face of death.

To conclude, let's revisit our orienting text:
Hebrews 2.14-15
Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.
Reading this text let's think of the dynamics described by Ernest Becker in The Denial of Death. We are enslaved to death because we pursue self-esteem in order to "count" in the face of death. This means that our personhood is saturated with death. Everything about ourselves that makes us feel good, successful, smug, important, cool, worthy, snobbish, distinctive, admirable, or headline-catching is, simply, a lie. A death-denying lie. But a lie we will spend our lives anxiously chasing.

This entry was posted by Richard Beck. Bookmark the permalink.

35 thoughts on “The Slavery of Death: Part 19, The Denial of Death”

  1. Jesus' vine and branches illustration speaks to this in John 15:6,
    "If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned."

  2. We all live in "quiet desperation" , distracting ourselves with the Internet , our cars, and the Kardashians. This is why it is important to grasp that losing our attachments to the created will bring contentment with this reality. Taoism, Buddhism, etc. share a common goal that renovate through your series on the denial of death. There is value in uncluttering the mind, losing attachments , and simply live. My pet Chihuahua does this, we should too. We admire our pets (and children's) ability to be content with simplicity.

  3. There is a mindfulness and other-orientedness in dogs that really is enviable. I wrote a poem about that awhile back, "Seeing Like My Dog."

  4. After reading this I'm asking what should I do different? Nothing I guess...or move in to the forest with the animals?

    I'll write more next time, It's time to check the stats of my blog now :-) 

  5. A lot of the "application" in this post is internal, work done in the heart and mind, extracting yourself from defensive and neurotic forms of self-esteem. (And I did try to give a "practical" example of this in my conversation with my son in the post). The more "practical" payoff of stepping out of these lies will come in the next post in a discussion of Becker's book Escape from Evil.

  6. This makes sense to me.  I haven't read your book(s) yet; just this blog.  Your credibility (circle of trust) with me has been established in the consistent value (depth and meaning) of the blog posts here, to be sure.  But what has really clinched it for me are posts such as the Prison Ministry series, Lady Gaga, and references to "scapegoats" in our culture.  Extending dignity and worth to others -- especially those who are marginalized by the cultural value system -- is Jesus-like, and in defiance of the Lie.  It is truth-telling at its best.  Lots to think about...

  7. Thanks Richard. Just started reading your blog. I friend recommended a while back. I Look forward to your next post... 

  8. I think when we can step out of the hero systems of the world--how the world assigns winners and losers--we are better able to see, with God's eyes, the people at the bottom. The reason we gravitate toward the "winners" is that they embody the values of the hero system we want to have. But if we can step away from the lies and the idolatry of the hero system (how the world defines "success") we are free to see the worth, dignity and humanity of everyone, even the least of these.

    But here's the rub. Becker suggests that this is an absolutely terrifying move to make. To step away from the hero system is to step away from all cultural sources of meaning-making. That is very, very hard to do, to live your life rejecting the hero system of your culture, to define yourself independently of culture, family, nation, neighborhood. Even church. This is why the root battle is overcoming fear. And why Christ-followers are "odd" and "deviant."

  9. I'm wondering how I will know once I have stepped out of the "hero systems". I love what I do and as to what you have described it all has to do with the "hero system". How can I live in the world but not be of the world? I'm recalling a few events in my life that I now wonder if they were part of stepping out of the "hero system" But on the other hand is it not a life long effort? Is there ever a time where I will be able to say...aha I'm not longer of this world. Perhaps when I will be dead? But then what is after death?
    Some intriguing thoughts that I'm pondering.  

  10. I don't know if we ever reach a point where we, once and for all and very cleanly, "step out of the hero system." The issue, as I see it, is how we narrate our life-story moment by moment. Inserting itself into that story, almost constantly, is the "lie," the idolatrous lure of the hero system. When this happens to me, a hundred times a day, I have to stop and re-tell the story of my life. I seek the truth in the midst of Babel.

    So, yes, for my part, I think this is a life-long and daily effort. Though I do think we make progress. As we mature we should be more easily able to resist many of the things the culture holds out as "valuable" and "successful." For example, I expect you frequently look around at the world--the media, the celebs, the consumerism, the ideological wackjobs--and say, "Has the world gone mad?!"

    It has. And seeing that is progress. The hard part is seeing where we've been compromized, our blind spots. Our part of the hero system is "better" than other parts of the hero system. That's the seduction.

  11. Great article Richard, and my heart resonates even more with your own comment to it: "The reason we gravitate toward the "winners" is that they embody the values of the hero system we want to have. But if we can step away from the lies and the idolatry of the hero system (how the world defines "success") we are free to see the worth, dignity and humanity of everyone, even the least of these."

    Sadly, too many "Christians" gravitate toward that title because they see it as becoming one of the "winners" -- separating themselves from those who they see as "less than," or "different than," themselves. It's all about being one of the tribe - the "chosen" ones. 

  12. Dr. Beck,

    I've recently 'stumbled ' upon your blog, and now it is one that I look towards daily for thought and reflection. I really appreciate your honesty, effort, and insight.

    Knowing you're probably not interested: I'm a 27 year old kid trying to make sense of my belief and the life I choose to live. (This post doesn't make either much easier, but it resonates with me nonetheless.) I've got many questions and fears, but after reading your posts and the discussions that follow, I'm gradually becoming more comfortable 'living' with these thoughts and feelings. Ironically, though, I've been struggling a lot recently to find 'meaning' and its left me in a bit of a crossroads professionally. Have I read the post wrong if I feel a sense of guilt and fear of this hero-system idol? Like Gerhard mentioned above, I am starting to think that my future plan, for the most part, is based on the 'hero system', even if I'm telling myself that I want to help others and don't agree with society's definition of success. Yet here I am, planning to pursue graduate school, and taking advantage of all the privileges that come with being a white-straight-male...

    For some odd (good?) reason, I am much more interested in theology than I've ever been. Your blog is definitely is a helpful resource for a believer/doubter like myself. So, without trying to boost your 'hero seeking self-esteem'...Thank you for your time and thoughts; I look forward to more discussion!

  13. Richard, I've said this not a few times already in comments on the blog (as well as in this series, too), but I'm going to say it again:  I love Ernest Becker's work.  _Denial of Death_ changed my life, and I enjoyed _Escape From Evil_ as well (although I wonder how it would have been different if he had lived to complete it himself).  

    Because I've already been processing his ideas for a while, I can't say this post really "shook" me like some of your other posts have, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading your spin on the ideas.  I love hearing/reading other people's take on and use of ideas to help seem them in a new light.  

    As always, nice work!  I can't wait for your next book to come out.  I've already gotten a couple of my friends to buy your _Unclean_!

  14. Oh yea, and I forgot to mention that I love how you used the phrase "here's the rub" in the comments here.  I totally picked that up from reading Becker, too!

  15. Becker has been huge for me as well.

    Thanks for recommending the book to friends; though you're tempting me to get trapped in my hero system... :-)

  16. Oh I think that's the biggest trap of all, turning God into an idol. I connect this back to the earlier posts on McGill and the identity based on possession. Too many Christians want to possess God/church/faith. And when they "own" God they have to protect God from outsiders. I hope to get at this dynamic in the next few posts.

  17. I can resonate with your struggle. For my own part, I still struggle with the life I'm leading and the privileges I have.

    I do think Ecclesiastes is of some help here. Work is a gift. So find good work. No shame or guilt if it pays well or is "privileged" or requires a graduate degree. Just find good work that suits you and live simply.

    Beyond that, the key is to not ground your self-esteem in the work (or the advanced degree). This way you can hold your work lightly (and all the peer comparisons and blue ribbons it hands out to you) and not as an idol. Here's how William Stringfellow described his approach to becoming a lawyer:

    "I had elected then to pursue no career. To put it
    theologically, I died to the idea of career and to the whole typical
    array of mundane calculations, grandiose goals and appropriate schemes
    to reach them. I renounced, simultaneously, the embellishments--like
    money, power, success--associated with careers in American culture,
    along with the ethics requisite to obtaining such condiments. I do not
    say this haughtily; this was an aspect of my conversion to the gospel…"

  18. " And when they "own" God they have to protect God from outsiders."

    Ain't that the truth. I'm looking forward to your next posts (as always.)

  19. Yes....but (sorry, trying to get my head round this)..."as humans serve the powers they serve death" .... but isn't the problem not so much the powers, but with our view of God (Romans 1) and that if only we have a right view of God (ok, a lifetime and beyond process...how do we get a right view of God?) and undo the exchange of the truth about God for a lie, and that if we worshiped God rather than created things (including powers) ....then the powers would have their right place in our lives, and in serving the powers (in their proper place under God) we would be giving service to God....surely we need people who are well trained (trained under the systems/ powers to nurture and use the gifts given them by God - and also held to account under these systems/ powers) e.g. as citizens and as workers -  teachers and doctors and painters and bus drivers etc...even perhaps professors;)...so they can be as Jesus to us and to the world in all areas of life......which involves sacrifice and taking hero systems with a pinch of salt.... Romans 12 kind of thing.... but what I think I'm trying to say is that I don't think that the powers/ systems (including hero systems) are bad in themselves...don't they rather need put in their proper place in our thinking? (? redeemed).

  20. I agree. The powers aren't intrinsically evil, but fallen. And do think we are called "bring the kingdom of heaven to earth."

    And yet, how treacherous is this! Do we use, say, coersion to "make the kingdom come"? I do think we can be salt and light but I'm really skeptical about our ability to "redeem" any of the Powers.

    But what about self-esteem from working with the Powers when the Powers are doing good? I think that's perfectly legit. If the Power is doing Kingdom work then we should fully participate and feel good about it. But the key is to keep from getting so comfy that we lose our ability for prophetic action when the Power starts protecting itself rather than seeking the Kingdom.

    I live this reality on a daily basis. I work at a Christian university and we often describe our work and existence as "Kingdom business." A lot of the time that's an accurate description. But at other times it's propaganda. And it's the Christian's task to know which is which.

  21. Thanks...I agree it is treacherous...maybe I can't redeem the powers (the temptation might be to think that maybe we can redeem the powers if we are esteemed enough and get to positions of influence ... but how to get the esteem without losing our Christlikeness), but hopefully I can interpret and apply powers and systems in a Christlike way - to the benefit of those I work with .. especially those who work directly for me, or who I work directly for.  I work at a "secular" University in a secular/ post-Christian country, so I need to continually remind myself to try and see where God is working (despite the rot and darkness sometimes) ...and I take what I see as a George MacDonald view that God is working and has placed me there under the authority of imperfect systems and powers for good (the power/ system is doing at least some Kingdom work but doesn't know it and sometimes despite itself) ...that God is at work there - often where I least expect.... but the tension is where and how can I be salt and light in the systems that He has placed me without the systems and hero culture becoming idols.... I still need the esteem to be salt and light (just as Daniel in Babylon and Joseph in Egypt were esteemed within an idolaterous power/ system) and peer review to keep me humble! ...but need to keep them in their proper perspective.

  22. God have mercy, Richard!  Enough of the flagellation already.  The theological and philosophical sourpusses Becker mentions and you note--Augustine, Kierkegaard, Scheler, Tillich, Becker, Stringfellow--are needed astringents--but that and only that.  Too much of them can lead to nihilistic despair, to Hamlet-like gloom and inaction.  What you do and the rest of us do matters within our frame of time.  Your book matters, not because it denies death, but because it affirms life.  Even deceiving ourselves about what we do matters.  Habits of self-protection are necessary before we can learn acceptance of our mortality and the mortality of the powers.  I encounter death and dying on an almost daily basis in the work I do.  Over the past three weeks, I have lost four men who were (are) very close to me--including my baby brother.  All these men were men of faith and courage and are now standing beside Abraham and are part of that great cloud of witnesses urging us on in our pilgrimage.  The warp and woof of our lives consist of joy elevated and sorrow mitigated through serving one another as children of God.  That is how the powers are to be redeemed.  Still, in the existential present John Donne's words "every man's death diminishes me" holds true for all of us.  I mourn the loss of my friends and brother and know that I am mourning myself, my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and friends and strangers as well as all human arrangements masquerading as immortal.  

    Grace and peace.

  23. Is the film "The Iron Lady" out on your side of the ocean yet? I saw it last night and kept thinking about this post. It's the story of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's career (she's played by Meryl Streep, who is PERFECT), told as a series of flashbacks from how - and I think this is accurate - she is now, which is very frail and suffering from some level of dementia. Whatever you think about her politics (I don't like her, she took away my free school milk!), it's incredibly poignant to see a figure etched into our consciousness as the most powerful English-language woman who ever lived, now undone by bereavement and old age, and still - without wishing to give too much away - haunted by whether what she Did really Counted.

    Anyhow, just a little recommendation.

    On a slightly different topic, one genuine question, though: I love writing, and think I'm not THAT bad at it, and feel possibly "called" to practise it more, but just don't get round to it. How on earth, as a man with far, far more responsibilities than I, do you ever find the time to write as much, and such good stuff, as you do? Do you NEVER SLEEP?

    All the best,

    N

  24. Thanks for the recommendation. Checking on the Internet it seems to be only in limited release here in the US. But I've heard wonderful things about Streep's performance. I plan to see it.

    Regarding the writing. People ask me that question all the time. Not sure I have a good answer. Some posts take 15-30 minutes. See Monday's post as an example. Others might take 1-2 hours. Generally I can find an hour in the day to bang out the bulk of the post and, sometime in the evening, find some time to finish/edit the post. If I can't do that on a given day I default to something short. So I pick my spots.

    A couple of things help me find free time during the day. First, this is my only Internet interaction. I don't have a Facebook account so I spend zero minutes a day on that. I also don't mess with Twitter or online/video games. I don't watch a lot of TV. Basically, this is my hobby and form of entertainment. What I do for fun. The point being, there's actually a lot of time during the day. It's all a matter of how you spend spare chunks of 15-, 30-, 45-  minute increments. When I get a free moment, I blog.

  25. "Your book matters, not because it denies death, but because it affirms life."

    I agree.  George, I'm so sorry for your losses. My condolences.

  26. Thanks for this George. I'm not much for self-flagellation! But I do see what you are saying. And I don't disagree. A bit of self-deception is often needed. More, we'll slide into it unconsciously regardless. It's how we carry on with life in the face of loss and sadness. We just put it out of our minds.

    I'm not arguing against any of that. What I am saying is that we need to become aware, from time to time, about what is going on. Because if we don't we'll just get pulled along and sucked in. I could, to take the example of my book, start thinking that I'm "better" than others. So the issue for me is less about a grim and constant death-awareness than the ability to step back and monitor how I'm building my self-esteem. Because more often than not we do this by trying to "win" over against others.

    There is a lot of joy in Ecclesiastes. Death sweeps away the self-esteem props, the vanity of vanities, leaving behind what counts: the day's work, the simple gifts of food and wine, and the people that we love.

  27. Dr. Beck

    Sorry - this is perhaps another subject in and of itself, but what's your take on SUICIDE in this context?
    Thanks again Dr. Beck (sorry, I'm behind lately and sorry if this happened to be asked in the 30 responses already posted).
    Gary Y.

  28. Not exactly sure what you're asking here, so I'll make an assumption and try to answer.

    I'm not advocating a stoic apathy or indifference to death. Death is an objectively bad thing and, all things considered, should be avoided. My focus is on fear, the fear of death, and how that fear contaminates our ability to love others.

    That said, there is a martyrological aspect to this, being willing, in the words of Jesus, to give your life for another out of love. But the key, even is this case, is the role of fear in becoming an obstacle to self-sacrificing love.

  29. Sorry for not elaborating.

    As proposed, the fear of death drives one to achieve a legacy that extends beyond one's earthy life in the "hero system". I am guessing one's extreme hopelessness of being that "hero", hopelessness in achieving significance or meaning,  is what drives one to contemplates suicide.

    My question lies here - the one who contemplates suicide doesn't appear to fear death (outwardly), but in a backward way, might suicide be some form or expression of a "fear of death"  ... as counterintuitive as that appears?

    Thanks for accomodating my lack of articulation again Dr. Beck!
    Gary Y. 

  30. It might be possible that suicide, "in a backward" way, is an expression of a fear of death. Freud would say it was produced by the death wish. But even if it isn't, it's still a form of a slavery to death, allowing death to be the final "word."

    That said, I don't want to overmoralize suicide. Some "suicides" can have altruistic intent and sometimes they are (albeit tragically so) cost/benefit decisions (e.g., terminal and painful illness).

  31. Great, weltanschauung-shifting series Richard.  Just been catching up after a week without the Internet (nervous laugh, eye flicker).

    There are many references to self-esteem in this post.  I wonder if this term (as used by Becker) needs some expanding.

    For me, one of the fundamental shifts in experimental psychology over the last decade or so has been away from within-person traits and towards a relational understanding of human psychology.

    For example, the model of self-esteem I often use in my work includes a 'sense of belonging' component.

    And Rousseau makes a distinction between self-esteem (which is at heart comparative - leading to pride, fear & envy) and self-love (which is the basis of true friendship) - are you familiar with Rousseau, by the way?  I think you'd enjoy some of his ideas.

    Christ himself tells us to love our neighbour as ourselves, suggesting the possibility of a valid form of positive self-regard.

    I wonder if you are working towards (or whether Becker et al propose) an alternative, non-comparative model of self-esteem (perhaps your post on eccentric identity hints at this?), or whether it is to be jettisoned altogether...

    What then should I tell all the unheard, misunderstood, damaged children with whom I have the privilege of working?  What do you wish for the members of your prison study group, or for your own children?

Leave a Reply