What are supposed to do when a family member, or someone we love, becomes a QAnon believer or endorses the Big Lie?
Again, one of the reasons for this long series was to point out that conspiracy theories are difficult to dislodge. Argument and ultimatums don't work. There's more going on than "being logical." Conspiracy theories are stubborn and persistent. Which means that conspiratorial beliefs are going to be sticking around for a season, perhaps a long season.
Which brings me to my final bit of advice.
My suggestion is to treat conspiracy beliefs as if it were a chronic mental illness. For example, what would it mean to love a family member that suffers from paranoid delusions? Or chronic depression? Well, we'd try to care for that person despite their depression or paranoid delusions. That's not to say this love will be easy, but we'd still love them.
In a similar way, what does it mean to love a conspiracy theorist?
Of course, the problem with this suggestion is that it could be taken to be stigmatizing of those who believe in conspiracy theories, describing them as "mentally ill." I see that problem, but let me be very clear, that's not what I'm saying. I'm using the frame of mental illness as an analogy. Treat the conspiratorial belief system as if it were an mental illness. The point of the analogy is to start thinking of conspiratorial beliefs as a chronic mental disposition that can't be argued or yelled out of a person, the same way you wouldn't try to yell or argue depression out of a person, but must be accompanied with a lot of patient relational work.
Some different pushback here to the analogy is that things like depression and paranoid delusions, as mental illnesses, aren't under our control, aren't self-inflicted, aren't freely chosen. But QAnon and Big Lie beliefs are self-inflicted and freely chosen. That's true, but now that these beliefs have settled in, they really aren't anything that one could "quit" with an act of willpower or choice. Like an addiction, we can lament and lay blame for how the situation came to be, but now that it is here the journey out of the addiction or conspiratorial belief system is going to be a journey. And moralizing about what "should or should not have happened" isn't going to be helpful moving forward. So settle in and accompany the loved one on the journey. Just like you'd love a depressed, delusional, or addicted loved one, you can love a conspiracy theorist.
Lastly, people might also object to this suggestion as it might seem that we're simply abandoning our loved one to the conspiracy theory. That's not at all what I'm suggesting. You wouldn't love an addict by handing them drugs. You wouldn't love a person suffering from paranoid delusions by egging them on. Nor would you confirm the negative thoughts of a depressed person. You'd always act and work to nudge them toward health. You wouldn't abandon them to the darkness and dysfunction. The same goes for loving a conspiracy theorist. You'd always be gently nudging, pushing back, playfully teasing, inserting alternative facts, distracting, or deescalating. You'd confront a little harder now and then to test things, like exploring the healing of an injured limb. You'd nurse them back to cognitive health, as best you could or opportunities allowed.
To be sure, as mentioned in the last post, there will still be grief. There is only sadness to see a loved one struggle with mental illness, come under the sway of QAnon, or endorse the Big Lie. But loving through the sadness is the path forward. Love is always our path forward.
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