"I would that His peynes were my peynes."
In Chapter 3 Julian finally tells the story about the origin of her showings, some details of which I've already shared.
As Julian recounts, when she was "thirty yers old and halfe, God sent me a bodely sekeness [bodily sickness] in which I lay three dayes and three nights, and on the fourth night I tooke all my rites of Holy Church and wened not a levyd [believed I would not live] till day; and after this I langorid [languished] forth two dayes and two nights."
Julian's priest comes, sets before her a crucifix, and says: "I have browte [brought] thee the image of thy maker and Saviour. Louke thereupon and comfort thee therewith."
As Julian gazes at the cross her vision of the room dims, but the cross remains illuminated: "it was all derke [dark] about me in the chamber as it had be night, save in the image of the Cross wherein I beheld a comon light..." And then, the pain Julian had been experiencing goes away: "sodenly [suddenly] all my peyne [pain] was taken fro me, and I was as hele [well]." But this sudden healing comes as a disappointment for Julian: "the feleing [feeling] of this ease was no full ease to me, for methought I had lever a be [rather have been] deliveryd [delivered] of this world." And it's here where Julian remembers her prior prayer to be given the gift of three wounds:
Than came suddenly to my minde that I should desyre [desire] the second wounde of our Lords gracious gift, that my body might be fullfilled with minde [awareness, consciousness] and felyng [feeling] of His blissid passion, for I would that His peynes [pains] were my peynes, with compassion, and, afterward, longeing to God. But in this I desired never bodily sight nor sheweing of God, but compassion as a kinde soule might have with our Lord Jesus that for love would beene a dedely man [was willing to become a mortal person], and therefore I desired to suffer with Him.
As you likely know, this notion of participation in the sufferings of Christ was a prominent feature of medieval spirituality. And it promoted extreme practices of self-mortification, like self-flagellation. To this day, there is a serious concern, from both outside and inside the faith, that Christianity promotes and valorizes suffering. So we need to tread carefully here.
And yet, the spiritual genius of Christianity is that we're the only major world religion with a dead body. We worship a Crucified God. A Victimized God. And because of this there are unfathomable riches within Christianity about God's identification with our suffering and with the victimized. There is also a vision of the sacrificial nature of love, of the cost of self-giving and self-donation.
Thus, there is the constant Biblical refrain that the Christian life is a sharing and participation in the sufferings of Christ:
Philippians 3:10: “that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,”
Romans 8:17: “and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”
2 Corinthians 1:5: “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
2 Corinthians 4:10–11" “always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.”
Colossians 1:24: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church,”
1 Peter 4:13: “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”
1 Peter 2:21: “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.”
Or, as Julian said:
"I would that His peynes were my peynes."
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