Religiously speaking, I doubt a lot.
Maybe it's my personality or my training. Social Scientists do have some of the highest rates of agnosticism and atheism in the academy.
I used to think two things about doubt. First, that I was alone in my doubt. And second, that sharing my doubts would hurt my students.
I now think both of those are wrong.
I've gradually discovered, if you ask people in an honest moment, that just about everyone has doubts. And I'm not just talking about passing, fleeting moments of "I wonder if..." I'm talking about deep and prolonged doubts. Recurrent doubts. Doubts that keep you up at night.
Since these doubts are so widespread when I've shared my doubts with students they, almost to a person, are deeply relieved. The overwhelming response is, "You have doubts? I thought I was the only one who thought that way!" Since religious people so rarely speak of doubt we feel that expressing it is somehow pornographic, unfit for proper company. So we eat it and stew on it and think we are alone. Think we are strange or odd or different to the point of deviance.
So, I've become convinced that sharing doubts is very therapeutic. Paradoxically, sharing doubts promotes deeper faith. Here is a recent story to illustrate this.
A few years ago I was teaching in my adult faith class at the Highland Church of Christ. I was doing a lesson on doubt. I started with this, "Have you ever had doubts? If so, let's share them as I write them on the board." It was quiet at first, but then the responses flowed in...
I've doubted that God exists...
I've doubted that God really cares...
I've doubted that prayers make any difference...
I've doubted that there is a heaven after death...
So many doubts came out that I filled the board and it took all of class. After class I worried. I thought the class had gone really badly. I mean, all we did for class was just list all our doubts and put them on the board. There was no time for a "positive" response. So, it was a weird class.
A few days later a faculty friend and member of the Highland class told me this story. Apparently, a prospective ACU student, a highschooler, was visiting Highland with his parents that day and wandered into my Doubt Class. The next day the parents were touring ACU when they recognized my friend from class. They had this to say (I'm reconstructing the dialogue here): "Tell Richard how important that class was for our son. It just might have saved his faith. He has been struggling with church for some time, but that class opened his eyes. Never in his life had he heard an adult admit to doubting God. Consequently, he felt he was strange and that religion wasn't for him. But hearing all those adults sharing their faith struggles made him realize that it is okay to doubt and that he fits in at church."
I was stunned. A class of listing doubts actually rescuing faith? Apparently so.
So, I want to de-pathologize doubt. I want us to speak more openly of it. It is a ubiquitous condition and I think it is healthy to know you are not alone.
Toward that end, I'd just like to introduce myself. Hi. My name is Richard. And I'm a doubter.
Email Subscription on Substack
Richard Beck
Welcome to the blog of Richard Beck, author and professor of psychology at Abilene Christian University (beckr@acu.edu).
The Theology of Faƫrie
The Little Way of St. ThĆ©rĆØse of Lisieux
The William Stringfellow Project (Ongoing)
Autobiographical Posts
- On Discoveries in Used Bookstores
- Two Brothers and Texas Rangers
- Visiting and Evolving in Monkey Town
- Roller Derby Girls
- A Life With Bibles
- Wearing a Crucifix
- Morning Prayer at San Buenaventura Mission
- The Halo of Overalls
- Less
- The Farmer's Market
- Subversion and Shame: I Like the Color Pink
- The Bureaucrat
- Uncle Richard, Vampire Hunter
- Palm Sunday with the Orthodox
- On Maps and Marital Spats
- Get on a Bike...and Go Slow
- Buying a Bible
- Memento Mori
- We Weren't as Good as the Muppets
- Uncle Richard and the Shark
- Growing Up Catholic
- Ghostbusting (Part 1)
- Ghostbusting (Part 2)
- My Eschatological Dog
- Tex Mex and Depression Era Cuisine
- Aliens at Roswell
On the Principalities and Powers
- Christ and the Powers
- Why I Talk about the Devil So Much
- The Preferential Option for the Poor
- The Political Theology of Les MisƩrables
- Good Enough
- On Anarchism and A**holes
- Christian Anarchism
- A Restless Patriotism
- Wink on Exorcism
- Images of God Against Empire
- A Boredom Revolution
- The Medal of St. Benedict
- Exorcisms are about Economics
- "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?"
- "A Home for Demons...and the Merchants Weep"
- Tales of the Demonic
- The Ethic of Death: The Policies and Procedures Manual
- "All That Are Here Are Humans"
- Ears of Stone
- The War Prayer
- Letter from a Birmingham Jail
Experimental Theology
- Eucharistic Identity
- Tzimtzum, Cruciformity and Theodicy
- Holiness Among Depraved Christians: Paul's New Form of Moral Flourishing
- Empathic Open Theism
- The Victim Needs No Conversion
- The Hormonal God
- Covenantal Substitutionary Atonement
- The Satanic Church
- Mousetrap
- Easter Shouldn't Be Good News
- The Gospel According to Lady Gaga
- Your God is Too Big
From the Prison Bible Study
- The Philosopher
- God's Unconditional Love
- There is a Balm in Gilead
- In Prison With Ann Voskamp
- To Make the Love of God Credible
- Piss Christ in Prison
- Advent: A Prison Story
- Faithful in Little Things
- The Prayer of Jabez
- The Prayer of Willy Brown
- Those Old Time Gospel Songs
- I'll Fly Away
- Singing and Resistence
- Where the Gospel Matters
- Monday Night Bible Study (A Poem)
- Living in Babylon: Reading Revelation in Prison
- Reading the Beatitudes in Prision
- John 13: A Story from the Prision Study
- The Word
Series/Essays Based on my Research
The Theology of Calvin and Hobbes
The Theology of Peanuts
The Snake Handling Churches of Appalachia
Eccentric Christianity
- Part 1: A Peculiar People
- Part 2: The Eccentric God, Transcendence and the Prophetic Imagination
- Part 3: Welcoming God in the Stranger
- Part 4: Enchantment, the Porous Self and the Spirit
- Part 5: Doubt, Gratitude and an Eccentric Faith
- Part 6: The Eccentric Economy of Love
- Part 7: The Eccentric Kingdom
The Fuller Integration Lectures
Blogging about the Bible
- Unicorns in the Bible
- "Let My People Go!": On Worship, Work and Laziness
- The True Troubler
- Stumbling At Just One Point
- The Faith of Demons
- The Lord Saw That She Was Not Loved
- The Subversion of the Creator God
- Hell On Earth: The Church as the Baptism of Fire and the Holy Spirit
- The Things That Make for Peace
- The Lord of the Flies
- On Preterism, the Second Coming and Hell
- Commitment and Violence: A Reading of the Akedah
- Gain Versus Gift in Ecclesiastes
- Redemption and the Goel
- The Psalms as Liberation Theology
- Control Your Vessel
- Circumcised Ears
- Forgive Us Our Trespasses
- Doing Beautiful Things
- The Most Remarkable Sequence in the Bible
- Targeting the Dove Sellers
- Christus Victor in Galatians
- Devoted to Destruction: Reading Cherem Non-Violently
- The Triumph of the Cross
- The Threshing Floor of Araunah
- Hold Others Above Yourself
- Blessed are the Tricksters
- Adam's First Wife
- I Am a Worm
- Christus Victor in the Lord's Prayer
- Let Them Both Grow Together
- Repent
- Here I Am
- Becoming the Jubilee
- Sermon on the Mount: Study Guide
- Treat Them as a Pagan or Tax Collector
- Going Outside the Camp
- Welcoming Children
- The Song of Lamech and the Song of the Lamb
- The Nephilim
- Shaming Jesus
- Pseudepigrapha and the Christian Witness
- The Exclusion and Inclusion of Eunuchs
- The Second Moses
- The New Manna
- Salvation in the First Sermons of the Church
- "A Bloody Husband"
- Song of the Vineyard
Bonhoeffer's Letters from Prision
Civil Rights History and Race Relations
- The Gospel According to Ta-Nehisi Coates (Six Part Series)
- Bus Ride to Justice: Toward Racial Reconciliation in the Churches of Christ
- Black Heroism and White Sympathy: A Reflection on the Charleston Shooting
- Selma 50th Anniversary
- More Than Three Minutes
- The Passion of White America
- Remembering James Chaney, Michael Schwerner and Andrew Goodman
- Will Campbell
- Sitting in the Pews of Ebeneser Baptist Church
- MLK Bedtime Prayer
- Freedom Rider
- Mountiantop
- Freedom Summer
- Civil Rights Family Trip 1: Memphis
- Civil Rights Family Trip 2: Atlanta
- Civil Rights Family Trip 3: Birmingham
- Civil Rights Family Trip 4: Selma
- Civil Rights Family Trip 5: Montgomery
Hip Christianity
The Charism of the Charismatics
Would Jesus Break a Window?: The Hermeneutics of the Temple Action
Being Church
- Instead of a Coffee Shop How About a Laundromat?
- A Million Boring Little Things
- A Prayer for ISIS
- "The People At Our Church Die A Lot"
- The Angel of Freedom
- Washing Dishes at Freedom Fellowship
- Where David Plays the Tambourine
- On Interruptibility
- Mattering
- This Ritual of Hallowing
- Faith as Honoring
- The Beautiful
- The Sensory Boundary
- The Missional and Apostolic Nature of Holiness
- Open Commuion: Warning!
- The Impurity of Love
- A Community Called Forgiveness
- Love is the Allocation of Our Dying
- Freedom Fellowship
- Wednesday Night Church
- The Hands of Christ
- Barbara, Stanley and Andrea: Thoughts on Love, Training and Social Psychology
- Gerald's Gift
- Wiping the Blood Away
- This Morning Jesus Put On Dark Sunglasses
- The Only Way I Know How to Save the World
- Renunciation
- The Reason We Gather
- Anointing With Oil
- Incarnations of God's Mercy
Exploring Preterism
Scripture and Discernment
- Owning Your Protestantism: We Follow Our Conscience, Not the Bible
- Emotional Intelligence and Sola Scriptura
- Songbooks vs. the Psalms
- Biblical as Sociological Stress Test
- Cookie Cutting the Bible: A Case Study
- Pawn to King 4
- Allowing God to Rage
- Poetry of a Murderer
- On Christian Communion: Killing vs. Sexuality
- Heretics and Disagreement
- Atonement: A Primer
- "The Bible says..."
- The "Yes, but..." Church
- Human Experience and the Bible
- Discernment, Part 1
- Discernment, Part 2
- Rabbinic Hedges
- Fuzzy Logic
Interacting with Good Books
- Christian Political Witness
- The Road
- Powers and Submissions
- City of God
- Playing God
- Torture and Eucharist
- How Much is Enough?
- From Willow Creek to Sacred Heart
- The Catonsville Nine
- Daring Greatly
- On Job (GutiƩrrez)
- The Selfless Way of Christ
- World Upside Down
- Are Christians Hate-Filled Hypocrites?
- Christ and Horrors
- The King Jesus Gospel
- Insurrection
- The Bible Made Impossible
- The Deliverance of God
- To Change the World
- Sexuality and the Christian Body
- I Told Me So
- The Teaching of the Twelve
- Evolving in Monkey Town
- Saved from Sacrifice: A Series
- Darwin's Sacred Cause
- Outliers
- A Secular Age
- The God Who Risks
Moral Psychology
- The Dark Spell the Devil Casts: Refugees and Our Slavery to the Fear of Death
- Philia Over Phobia
- Elizabeth Smart and the Psychology of the Christian Purity Culture
- On Love and the Yuck Factor
- Ethnocentrism and Politics
- Flies, Attention and Morality
- The Banality of Evil
- The Ovens at Buchenwald
- Violence and Traffic Lights
- Defending Individualism
- Guilt and Atonement
- The Varieties of Love and Hate
- The Wicked
- Moral Foundations
- Primum non nocere
- The Moral Emotions
- The Moral Circle, Part 1
- The Moral Circle, Part 2
- Taboo Psychology
- The Morality of Mentality
- Moral Conviction
- Infrahumanization
- Holiness and Moral Grammars
The Purity Psychology of Progressive Christianity
The Theology of Everyday Life
- Self-Esteem Through Shaming
- Let Us Be the Heart Of the Church Rather Than the Amygdala
- Online Debates and Stages of Change
- The Devil on a Wiffle Ball Field
- Incarnational Theology and Mental Illness
- Social Media as Sacrament
- The Impossibility of Calvinistic Psychotherapy
- Hating Pixels
- Dress, Divinity and Dumbfounding
- The Kingdom of God Will Not Be Tweeted
- Tattoos
- The Ethics of :-)
- On Snobbery
- Jokes
- Hypocrisy
- Everything I learned about life I learned coaching tee-ball
- Gossip, Part 1: The Food of the Brain
- Gossip, Part 2: Evolutionary Stable Strategies
- Gossip, Part 3: The Pay it Forward World
- Human Nature
- Welcome
- On Humility
Jesus, You're Making Me Tired: Scarcity and Spiritual Formation
A Progressive Vision of the Benedict Option
George MacDonald
Jesus & the Jolly Roger: The Kingdom of God is Like a Pirate
Alone, Suburban & Sorted
The Theology of Monsters
The Theology of Ugly
Orthodox Iconography
Musings On Faith, Belief, and Doubt
- The Meanings Only Faith Can Reveal
- Pragmatism and Progressive Christianity
- Doubt and Cognitive Rumination
- A/theism and the Transcendent
- Kingdom A/theism
- The Ontological Argument
- Cheap Praise and Costly Praise
- god
- Wired to Suffer
- A New Apologetics
- Orthodox Alexithymia
- High and Low: The Psalms and Suffering
- The Buddhist Phase
- Skilled Christianity
- The Two Families of God
- The Bait and Switch of Contemporary Christianity
- Theodicy and No Country for Old Men
- Doubt: A Diagnosis
- Faith and Modernity
- Faith after "The Cognitive Turn"
- Salvation
- The Gifts of Doubt
- A Beautiful Life
- Is Santa Claus Real?
- The Feeling of Knowing
- Practicing Christianity
- In Praise of Doubt
- Skepticism and Conviction
- Pragmatic Belief
- N-Order Complaint and Need for Cognition
Holiday Musings
- Everything I Learned about Christmas I Learned from TV
- Advent: Learning to Wait
- A Christmas Carol as Resistance Literature: Part 1
- A Christmas Carol as Resistance Literature: Part 2
- It's Still Christmas
- Easter Shouldn't Be Good News
- The Deeper Magic: A Good Friday Meditation
- Palm Sunday with the Orthodox
- Growing Up Catholic: A Lenten Meditation
- The Liturgical Year for Dummies
- "Watching Their Flocks at Night": An Advent Meditation
- Pentecost and Babel
- Epiphany
- Ambivalence about Lent
- On Easter and Astronomy
- Sex Sandals and Advent
- Freud and Valentine's Day
- Existentialism and Halloween
- Halloween Redux: Talking with the Dead
The Offbeat
- Batman and the Joker
- The Theology of Ugly Dolls
- Jesus Would Be a Hufflepuff
- The Moral Example of Captain Jack Sparrow
- Weddings Real, Imagined and Yet to Come
- Michelangelo and Neuroanatomy
- Believing in Bigfoot
- The Kingdom of God as Improv and Flash Mob
- 2012 and the End of the World
- The Polar Express and the Uncanny Valley
- Why the Anti-Christ Is an Idiot
- On Harry Potter and Vampire Movies
Good blog!
My favorite part...
"Religiously speaking, I doubt a lot.
Maybe it's my personality or my training. Social Scientists do have some of the highest rates of agnosticism and atheism in the academy."
Probably the biggest blessing I've encountered in Sojourners class is that it's full of people who aren't afraid to admit their doubts. Many of you are too smart, or have seen too much suffering, not to admit that you sometimes (or often!) have doubts. In my opinion, that class is one of the most honest groups of people in a very honest church. So much of what we get fed as college students is "happy-clappy faith" - just trust God and everything will work out okay. Well, I try to trust Him, but it doesn't all always work out okay. And that class, especially its recent discussion on the Psalms, has given me a place to breathe a sigh of relief when I doubt. I don't speak up often in there (it's an intellectually intimidating crowd!), but my heart appreciates knowing I'm not alone.
"Dubito ergo sum" as I believe both Augustine and Descartes in turn put it ;)
Hi, Richard. I recently got & listened to Julia Sweeney's LETTING GO OF GOD [http://www.juliasweeney.com/letting_go_mini/index.html]. I found it an interesting first-person account of someone who dealt with religious doubts -- eventually becoming an atheist. I thought you might be interested. I also wondered whether some church groups might do well to listen to & discuss it? I think many would immediately reject that as a horrible idea, but perhaps(?) in the spirit of this post of yours, I think that for many -- as it would have been for me at various stages of my life -- it would be a good idea to not only face their doubts, but also the possibility that those doubts might resolve themselves in this way. For many, that's the real bogey man here, & it seems to often be a good idea to face bogey men squarely. I would worry about folks approaching the account defensively -- focussed on locating where Sweeney makes her big, fatal misstep, etc. I tried to listen empathetically, and to take it as the honest (well, there are limits to how honest any of us can be in giving such an acccount of ourselves on such a personal matter) account of a fellow traveler.
--Keith DeRose
Keith,
Thanks so much for the recommendation. I downloaded Sweeney's audiobook from iTunes and enjoyed it all weekend. I identified strongly with Sweeney all the way through.
I agree that Sweeney's journey would be an interesting study for a church class. Although they would probably have to be a certain kind of class. I think the class at Highland I teach might be a place to do it. I also think I might get my small group to listen and discuss it. When I do, I'll let you know how that works out. If it goes well, it will be a hopeful sign about honest ecclesial living.
Sweeney's story made me recall a passage from Luke Timothy Johnson's The Creed where he states that honest religious seekers often have more in common with honest atheists than with many of their fellow believers. I agree with that assessment for I resonate more with Sweeney than with many of the people in my church.
Again, thank you very much for the recommendation.
Richard
I am curious if you are familiar with George Smith? He wrote, among other things, "Why Atheism?". He draws a very distinct line between doubt and uncertainty. He says uncertainty is passive and assumes some common ground with the thing one is uncertain about. IE "I am uncertain God loves me" assumes I am contemplating the fact He might love me. Or I know God loves me but, at this moment of crisis, I do not feel His love and am therefore uncertain. However doubt, Smith says, is not passive but it is aggressive. "I doubt God loves me" is an active intellectual accretion. One can stand within Christianity and be uncertain, but one must stand outside Christianity to doubt. Because of this Smith says Christianity (indeed all religion) does not tolerate doubt.
This distention may not be important. As a philosopher Smith admits words used in everyday language must be clearly defined when used for philosophical discourse. So perhaps he is just applying a level of exactness to his language which is unnecessary and cumbersome for a blog.
JHR