A Walk with William James, Part 8: Introverts in the Imago Dei?

In Lectures 6-7 of The Varieties of Religious Experience William James moves from his discussion of the healthy-minded believer to speak of the sick soul. Again, the sick souls are those who tend to be the more pessimistic believers among us, those of us preoccupied with the problems of existence. In my own research, I've labeled this type the Winter Christian and the Existential Believer, so I won't write more about them in this post.

What I do want to write about starts with James' sick soul type but goes in a different direction. Specifically, I want to write about the place of introverts at church.

Most people are aware of Jung's typology of Introverts and Extroverts. What you may not be aware of is that trait affectivity is highly correlated with these types. Specifically, positive affectivity is significantly associated with extraversion and negative affectivity is associated with introversion. That is, extraverts tend to be energetic and enthusiastic while introverts tend to be mellower or even melancholic.

The point here is that James' sick soul type is very often going to be an introvert and the healthy-minded type is very often going to be an extrovert. It is this connection that I want to discuss.

Here's the question I want to ask you: Do introverts fit in at church?

The answer, obviously, is that it depends upon what kind of church we are talking about. In liturgical churches I expect introverts and extroverts fare about the same. But in non-liturgical churches they may fare differently.

Specifically, non-liturgical churches tend to be more sociable churches. So, let's call them that. That is, there are liturgical churches and there are sociable churches. Sociable churches tend to emphasize relationality among its members. For example, a large part of the sociable church experience involves lengthy greetings (being greeted and greeting others), adult bible classes that are conversational and oriented around fellowship (e.g., in my church we sit at tables drinking coffee, eating donuts, and chatting), and the in-depth sharing of personal prayer requests.

This is not to say that liturgical churches aren't sociable or don't have sociable facets to them. It's just the simple recognition that going to a Catholic mass (the prototypical liturgical experience) differs greatly from my day at church at the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, TX. My experience is heavy on the “visiting,” as they say here in Texas.

In these highly sociable churches there is an implicit theological theme that marries sociability with spirituality. That is, being sociable—visiting intensively, and being willing to "get into each other's lives"—is highly prized. To a point, this is understandable. A sociable church is going to rely on extraverts to make the whole vibe work.

But introverts fare poorly in these sociable churches. The demand to visit, mix, and share with strangers taxes them. Worse, given that these social activities are declared to be "spiritual," the introvert feels morally judged and spiritually marginalized. As if their very personality was spiritually diseased.

Consequently, the "issue of the introvert" is one of the big overlooked problems in these sociable churches. For example, church leaders often want to make church more "meaningful." What they mean by this is that they want to create an atmosphere were deep human contact can be made. This is a fine goal, a worthy goal. However, to pull this off in an ordinary church setting demands a degree of sociability that introverts just don't have. Take a typical church service, communion service, small group service, or bible class. Let's say, to make it more “meaningful,” you ask the participants to find someone sitting close to them to have a spiritually-oriented exchange/conversation with. A time of sharing. Well, the introverts are just going to HATE this activity. They may hate it so much that they just might stop coming to your services. In fact, I know introverts at my church who purposely come in late to avoid the perfunctory meet-and-greet that occurs right at the start of our services ("Find someone close to you and say hello!").

Now, you may say that these introverts just aren't good people. But you would be wrong. Introverts are very, very relational. They just aren’t sociable. And to confuse the two is a grave theological and ecclesial mistake.

But many churches fail to make this distinction. They tacitly set up the following equation for church life:

Spirituality = Sociability.

For example, I was once visiting with a church leader at my church who was making a recommendation that, to make our adult classes more "meaningful," we would need to share more of our lives in these classes. I stated that such a recommendation would drive the introverts crazy. The response was, "God is about relationships and church is about relationships. Thus, if these people aren't going to be involved in relationships they will just have to change."

The problems with this formulation are obvious:

1. From a psychological perspective, introverts don't change into extraverts (or visa versa). To expect this is ridiculous.

2. From a moral perspective, you are moralizing aspects of personality: Extravert = Good and Introvert = Bad.

3. From a pastoral perspective, you are confusing relationality with sociability. That is, your pastoral intervention, although well-intentioned, demands a kind of personality to work well. It is true that deeper relationships are needed at church, but the route isn't always best achieved by throwing strangers together into forced conversation.

4. From a theological perspective, you are insinuating that introverts are not created in the Imago Dei, in the Image of God. (In fact, the etymology of the word "enthusiasm," that trait of the extravert, means "filled with or by God." The association, then, is that introverts are NOT filled with or by God.)

This last is the most worrisome. For years, sociable churches have ignored the introverts in their midst. Worse, they have sent a consistent message that they were less spiritual than their extraverted brothers and sisters. That to be like God was to be extraverted.

In my opinion, the damage this subtle message has caused has been enormous.

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34 thoughts on “A Walk with William James, Part 8: Introverts in the Imago Dei?”

  1. "It is true that deeper relationships are needed at church..."

    Is this really true? Are deeper relationships needed in the sociable church?

    I think the liturgical churches, at least, would say "no." I think they would say that the social churches are involved, not only in a deprecation of the introvert, but in an idolatry of relationship and relationality.

    I'm not sure why our churches have recently latched onto "relationship" as the beginning and end of their theology and plans for spiritual formation. It seems like they could just as well have seized on some other metaphor used about God that coincides with human experience.

  2. Going to church is kind of like sitting next to an extrovert on the bus (this happened to me this morning)-- something that I hope I'll not have to be subjected to tomorrow.

  3. My church is almost legendary for being full of introverts. I'm told that at a past retreat, there was an exercise where they said, "Everybody who thinks they're very introverted stand over here, moderately introverted here, moderately extroverted here" etc. The introverts outnumbered extroverts by like 9 to 1.

    Even so, I still see it as a sociable church. It's Mennonite, and sees living in community as an essential part of being Christian. (Matthew may think that's idolatry, but that's the way it is.) I think that actually, if you get a whole bunch of introverts together it's easier for them to be friendly, because I think introversion leads not just to a certain amount of socializing but a certain style.

    I expect another factor is that a large number of members are therapists, social workers, teachers and pastors-in-training, and so even though they're introverts they're naturally interested in other people. If we had a church full of mathematicians the vibe would probably be very different.

  4. Right on target Richard. We expect the fish to fly when they were designed to swim. I think that sometimes we get too caught up in our own agenda that we loose sight of what we were designed for. Somehow along the way, in fulfilling the great commision we have lost our sensitivity towards one another. For example because I am a woman the first thing that comes to mind is what is my role AS a woman. But shouldn't the question be not what my role is but what my design is.Shouldn't we be asking eachother what makes us come alive. Not what we should be, because God is working on us individually not like some assembly line, making us out to be just like the next guy, because God is a God of variety. Shouldn't we be celebrating our differences and respecting eachothers differences?

  5. "(Matthew may think that's idolatry, but that's the way it is.) "


    So what, precisely, do "community" and "relationship" have to do with one another? I always get suspicious when blanket terms are bandied about without any attempt at definition.

  6. Richard, I had never given any thought to this subject of extroverts, introverts and the church. But as it is, our culture favors extroverts over introverts. So, it is not surprising that some churches would do the same.

    It is not just introverts who stand to be hurt by this subtle message though. Some individuals can be very sociable in superficial ways. They may have no problem with greeting others before church and participating socially in other church functions. But they may be very private otherwise and reluctant to share their innermost self with others in casual settings, and that should be okay. When a church tries to force spiritual intimacy between its members when these relationships may lack the trust needed for that kind of sharing to take place safely, the church makes a big mistake in my opinion.

    I have enjoyed reading your blog. A lot of it is above my head, but I can use the mental exercise it provides.

  7. I think Bev's right. Sometimes people who are very sociable at church are really introverts - like you, Richard, and like me. Many of my deep relationships have started at church, but the truly deep ones have developed outside of the Sunday morning assembly - in settings where I don't have to act super-social.

    I think this message has been damaging to introverts at times - "if you're not social, we don't want you here." One of the greatest gifts I ever received at church was the chance to sit by a certain person every Wednesday night for months and not say anything. I wept often during those months, in fact, and I never had to explain myself. He just let me be. That strengthened our relationship more than forced "sharing" would have done.

    Fascinating post, my friend.

  8. community..hmmm..sometimes I sit in church and listen to how progressive we think we are when in fact to touch one or talk to one who is hurting is passed by...I am uncomfortable when someone speaks from the pulpit about all our church is doing in the community..and yet many have said they have sat in church alone writhing in pain and those around them know what's going on but can't seem to reach a hand out...its so simple and mankind makes it so difficult...He took the towel from around his waist and washed their feet and they were dang uncomfortable about Him doing this but He said you must do this also..

  9. Okay, so Jesus says, you will know my disciples because of the love they have for one another. The biggest complaint I have heard is that the church is too superficial. But are we saying that that's okay becuase maybe the majority of us are introverts and can't seem to start meaningful relationships? So it's okay to just be superficial because that's my personality? It seems that we are commanded to love one another, not commanded to make sure we are "a friendly congregation" which in my opinion is what seems to matter most. I happen to believe that introverts can have meaningful relationships its just maybe we scare the daylights of out them by trying to force them to be outgoing in our community. I was told that it is my responisibility to make sure that my needs are met. What Beverly describes happens so much, I need to talk to someone about my sin or my life but because of our busyness the only time we get to see eachother is Sunday morning, evening and Wed night, and because everyone is so busy making sure we are greeting everyone on those days there is no time to talk about what really matters. No time to really build those meaningful relationships. Greet them kindly and treat them well and then when they place membership thats it. Individualism is becoming more and more popular because of this and because of our thinking that we don't need relationships with one another. Jesus says they will know my disciples for the love they have for one another, how can anyone see our love for one another if we are too busy trying to lord if over about what a church should be by being superficial and having a kindness that doesn't go any further than "Hello, how are you." I mean any idiot can see past all the fakeness. Introvert or extravert, shouldn't matter what you are because we are commanded to love and even an introvert can love just as much as the next guy. Its just sometimes we want people to love the way we want them to love. But then love is another topic all togethe isn't it? I know how much we love to talk about love!

  10. So what, precisely, do "community" and "relationship" have to do with one another?

    That's a good question, and it probably deserves a bigger discussion than we have room for in the comment box of someone else's blog. But what I was thinking of is that people in my church seeing "being church" as central to following Jesus. So all the various things people do with one another -- small groups, potlucks, passing the peace, after-church lunches, lending possessions, praying for each other, providing meals for sick members, etc. etc. -- as more than just socializing, but as elements of building a holy community. So the relationships are building blocks of community, if you see my meaning.

    I think that's an important distinction between the way introverts and extroverts interact. Introverts need people as much as anybody else, but since it takes more effort to socialize it needs to have a longer-term payoff. Extroverts enjoy talking to people just because they're there, and will feel it's worth the effort even if they never see that person again.

    Sometimes, to be honest, the theological reading of relationships does seem to border on idolatrous. I remember debating a friend about the Real Presence in the Eucharist, and he said we don't really need that because "we're the Body of Christ, so we're the real presence of Christ!" But the last time I brought up the Real Presence online it caused a huge argument, so maybe we shouldn't go there...

  11. I attend one of those liturgical churches after many years of the sociable type. So much better not to have to ever hear about intentional community or meaningful relationships as if the whole church should be that way. They recognize that if more than 10 people are in a church, not everyone is going to get to know each other well or even know each other at all.

  12. This may have been mentioned already on this blog, but in case not.... People might enjoy Jonathan Rauch's "Caring for your Introvert," which is on-line here:

    I'm an introvert -- at least I identify with a lot of what Rauch writes -- especially the need for a lot of time on my own, just to think. (I'm also a philosopher.)

    After church, and at other social settings, what I like is little-to-no structure. Time when people can just talk with whom they want how they want. What I hate is when someone tries to organize the interactions: "Hey, everybody. I know. Let's play this great sharing game I know. It's a great way to get to know each other."

    Of course, without organization, there's a danger of people being left out & left alone -- I mean people who don't want to be left out or left alone. I think that's best handled by people being on the look-out for left-outs, and going over to them. It doesn't require a complete regimentation of all the interactions going on.

  13. @camassia:
    "the relationships are building blocks of community, if you see my meaning"

    Sorta, yeah, I'm just really fuzzy on what you mean by "relationship".

    Richard, do psychologists mean something fairly well-defined when they say "relationship"?

    "What I hate is when someone tries to organize the interactions: 'Hey, everybody. I know. Let's play this great sharing game I know. It's a great way to get to know each other.'"


  14. Richard, you seem very hostile to the idea of "socializing" and I'm not sure everyone is on the same wave length about what we mean we see the term. I think you have a valid point about the introverts and forced conversation, but we seem to be using very vague and general terms.

    My own question is, How do we generate intimacy for a communal faith with people who are created differently?

  15. Hi All,
    Thanks for all the interesting conversation.

    Just a clarification. My goal in writing the post wasn't to deemphasize relationality in the church or even to criticize sociability in the church.

    My interests in this blog are to continue to point out the heterogeneity of the faith community. I think churches too often forget this. They forget that in the audience there are the healthy-minded and the sick souls, the extroverts and the introverts, the happy and the sad, and those with the gift of faith and those who prize doubt. And on and on.

    I like to point out this heterogeneity because I'm keenly interested in hospitality and welcome. That is, if you do encourage sociability in church do so in a way that makes the introvert feel comfortable, relaxed, welcome, and, most importantly, not judged for sociable things (of the forced variety) being harder for them. Hospitality means sensitivity to the needs of the guest. And if some guests are introverted don't always throw them into situations where they struggle. I mean, how's that feel to them? To be made to feel, unwittingly I know, foolish or awkward or out of place? Do we really want to make people feel this way? Of course not.

    Now, I think a good point was raised about the lonely people in our assemblies. And sometimes it is hard to, upon a superficial inspection, separate the lonely from the introverted. But I really don't think this is a problem. In my experience, perfunctory and forced social interactions don't attenuate loneliness. What does attenuate loneliness are church structures that make it very easy to find community. For example, our Sunday School class has grown a lot over the last year making it more difficult to integrate the lonely new class member into the social matrix of our class. So my wife, my mentor in issues of hospitality and welcome, started a weekly ladies coffee night. And from all accounts it has been a huge success. It is a simple little intervention that allows people to find community but doesn't try to force it on Sunday morning.

  16. Jung's theories of types from which introvert/extrovert terms were referenced and the corresponding Myers-Briggs Type Indicator measure preferences for either polarity well, but do NOT measure emotional health or ill-health. I suggest that the behavior of introverts and extroverts in relationship-building is probably more about dysfunction than simple preferences for sociability. In my estimation, Christ modeled a good balance between extrovert and introvert and offered a standard for all of us to aspire to, regardless of our preferences.

  17. Just came upon this post through a google search. I really appreciate your thoughts about this - it's a topic that is dear to my heart, as I am currently writing a book about introverts in the Church. I think you're exactly right in your assessment of non-liturgical churches and how sociability in those communities is tantamount for spirituality.

  18. I hadn't thought much about it before, but I think that one of the reasons that I left Churches of Christ and ended up in the Episcopal Church (liturgical) is how I was made to feel less spiritual as an introvert. Thanks for articulating this.

  19. I'm grateful for the implicit permission to be an introvert...and for the implicit permission to be more gracious and less demanding toward other introverts.


  20. In our search for a church home, we found many churches that should modify their greeting times to: "Would our guests please remain seated and our members will come by and molest you." Shudder. But we have since left the denomination entirely. Thankfully our current church doesn't force that on people.

  21. My church has a "meet-and-greet" time, but instead of having it at the beginning of the service, they have it right in the *middle* of the service, just before the sermon. They use it as a time to dismiss the kids to Children's Church. To me, it's an unwelcome interuption to the flow of the worship service. When they want to dismiss the kids to Children's Church, why can't we just sing a song or something?

  22. This is an interesting and meaningful discussion. Whether or not some people and some churches have made an idol of relationships, I cannot say. But I do believe there has been an unbalanced focus on "sociality" in the mainstream American Christian churches. This is probably because most Americans are generally very social and extroverted people. But this seems to me to be more of a cultural thing than a Christian thing. And if you were to attend an Orthodox service somewhere in Russia or Eastern Europe for example, you would likely find a rather different Church dynamic.

    Now as Christians, we are called by the Lord to love one another, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. So we naturally have a responsibility to treat ALL our brothers and sisters with loving kindness. And this isn't limited to only loving humans... for true love encompasses ALL of God's creatures. It seems to me that as long as we are kind and loving to one another, we are doing ok.

    But each of us shows our love in different ways. The gregarious extrovert might excitedly come up to you, give you a big pat on the back and actively seek out a conversation, asking you many questions about yourself and will generally just be a friendly and chatty extroverted fellow. Whilst the more shy introvert might simply smile at you sweetly and say "peace be with you". Is either one of them wrong? No I don't think so. They are simply showing their love according to their own unique personality which was created by the hand of God.

    I cannot tell you how much it saddens me to hear of Christians judging and telling other Christians how they "should" be. What right do we have to get in the way of someone else's walk with God? How someone lives their Christian life is truly between them and the Lord. Only God truly knows what is in our souls. I don't think we have a right to judge.

    Now if we see someone committing an injustice to another... we have a responsibility to speak up for what is right and to defend the innocent. But that is very different from trying to force your own ideas and judgements on another who may just happen to follow Christ in a way that is a bit different from you. If you look at the diversity in Christianity around the world, it is all too clear that people have different ways of walking with God. In fact, from the very earliest centuries of the church.. people have had varied and different interpretations of what it means to be a Christian. Like I said, it is ultimately between the individual and God.

    On the day of judgement, it is God alone that we shall have to answer to for all that we have done... not our local church congregation, not our friends, not our pastor.. but God alone.

    Are sociability and extroversion somehow required attributes for holiness? I think not. Because from almost the very beginning of the Church there have been deeply holy Christians who lived rather reclusive and introverted lives.. namely the hermits, monks and nuns (and more specifically the monks and nuns from contemplative religious orders). If one does but a little research on the lives of the saints, they will see that there have been MANY holy men and women who were called specifically to the contemplative path, and lived much of their lives in quiet solitude. Here they wholly dedicated themselves to a life of prayer, contemplation, and study of scripture. They served all beings through their prayers and their inner purity. Because they were free from worldliness, they were better able to selflessly pray for the good of all beings.. and not get so caught up in the shallow and petty details and dualities of worldly life.

    These individuals also shared their wisdom and love with those whom God brought to them for assistance. But this didn't come from any egotistical desire to be great and renowned teachers and preachers. Rather they chose obscurity, and only taught others when they had grown in holiness, love, and wisdom after many years of intense inner purification. And even then only when it was commanded of them by the Holy Spirit. They weren't about self-will. They lived for God alone. And it should be said, that most of these men and women were introverts.

    You see I believe that God calls all of us to serve him according to our own natural gifts and abilities. Someone who is an extrovert and is very much gifted as a people person might be used by God for active missionary work, leading youth and adult groups at their church, and various other ministries that require a great degree of socializing and actively organizing and leading large groups of people. God uses them this way, and lives are blessed as a result.

    God also uses his more introverted children in ways that bless his Church. So many of the great Christian mystics, theologians, writers and artists were deeply introverted people whom God called and used according to the gifts he gave them. Perhaps they spent a good deal more time in solitude than their more social brothers and sisters, but through this solitude with God... many beautiful fruits were produced. If they hadn't spent all that time alone in communion with the Lord, they wouldn't have been able to produce such exquisite and pure works. That is something for us all to meditate on.

    Introspection and solitude do have a purpose. God created us all the way we are for a reason. He doesn't make mistakes. As you all know, the body of Christ has many different parts.. and each part has a unique purpose. We are not all called to the same exact path of service... rather we are all called to serve in many different ways the same great King who has blessed us with our sacred individuality.

    The Lord is vast! His kingdom is truly diverse. And naturally this diversity is reflected in the many different ways his children are called to serve him. Let us embrace these diversities rather than condemn them. For God's kingdom is all the more beautiful because of all the glorious colors of the rainbow!

    So please, accept yourself for who you are. Love yourself for who you are. For that is how your dear Father in heaven made you. Surrender yourself to him, and his eternal goodness... and he will bless you, inspire you, and work through you to share his love and mercy throughout all creation.

    God bless you all :)

  23. I actually ended up citing this post (and your name) in my book about this very topic. Here's a link to the InterVarsity Press page if you're interested:


    It's coming out in October, and it's called Introverts in the Church. Thanks for being a great conversation partner!

  24. As a very happy healthy introvert that is involved to the extent that I choose to be involved at church, I know that the social interactions that we observe in a gathering have little to do with intoversion or extroversion but more with relationships and connections. As an intovert I feel happy "not" participating in the things that I feel are superficial and feel free to participate in the things that I see as conducive to my own (and sometimes other's)spiritual growth.

    Extroverts are easier to get to know. What you see is what you get. Introverts are deeper and more difficult to understand since they don't feel the need to divulge themselves right off the bat.

    Churches need both types. They need those that can move around and greet and talk with "everybody" and they need those that are more selective and may spend their time talking to only one person. Both types need to open themselves up to the Spirits guidance to be able to minister to those in need.

  25. I loved this post, and it was really encouraging to me, and quite timely. I particularly liked your distinction between sociability and relationships. I am so appreciative of the beautiful relationships that God has given me through small group interactions and leadership retreats and meetings. I spend as much time and energy as I can on those relationships, and in building new ones at that depth. Being a minister's kid and in the health profession, I can survive the superficial sociable times or the "share something deep" times or the "it's your group's turn to greet all the visitors, so go greet anyone you don't know and see if they're new here and have them fill out this form" times. I can turn off the part of my personality that whimpers and runs away and turn on the almost-genuine smile, but when I get pushed into those situations, it really isn't me.

    The main idea I gather from this post, and from my mandatory sociable experiences, is not that these sorts of things are bad but that we have to make sure that if we have "mandatory" activities in the church, they need to be things that are carefully and specifically targeted at something that is very important to overall spiritual health or church unity. This probably does not include an hour of discussion over donuts and coffee or a time to share your deepest regret with the person next to you and pray for each other. There's a fine balance between stretching people and helping them grow spiritually, and trampling on who they are; as you said, after some "sociable" church situations the introverts just won't come back.

    One thing that was very intimidating at first for me, but that turned out well was a camping trip with several groups from my church. It had some structure so there were things to do if you didn't want to try to make small talk all day, there were large group activities but there were also smaller groups and friends or couples that would just hang out for long stretches of time. It allowed all of us to grow together (the sociable side) but also allowed the more introverted to develop their individual relationships that they valued in a low-pressure setting as they set up tents, cooked meals, or went fishing. There wasn't a single introvert I talked to after that trip that wasn't blessed by it.

  26. I found this blog after listening to a radio broadcast on this topic. I had only discussed such things with a close friend of mine, but had never even imagined someone would write a book about it.
    The church I attend with my family is an extremely sociable church, though I have noticed a few introverted leaders (including a pastor). The problem I had was more of an identity crisis. I have always been chided and told that it is the sin of pride that keeps me away from many engagements, or that the root of my behavior is fear which is not of God.
    I have participated in events just to get to know others, but unfortunately for me, trying to extend myself that far is more than I can handle. This means weekend retreats end with me retreating and everyone thinking I am a loner (which may very well be true).

    With a lot of prayer and really digging myself into the Word, God is leading me places and even teaching me things about myself that I couldn't even see. God made each and every one of us with a purpose in mind. Each of us, extroverts and introverts alike, have unique gifts and talents that we need to use in our ministries. When we begin to develop ways to nurture those "I" personality types, more introverts can move forward in their ministries. Think of the impact.

  27. Dang, I find your blog a few years too late :( I graduated from ACU in 2009. One of the main reasons that I have never been much on attending "church" is the social pressure that exists to be hyper-relational as well as the expected adherence to other non-intrinsic social norms. Crap I so would have come to your church.

  28. Oh. This is actually the main reason I don't go to church, and it had never occurred to me that this didn't mean I was a bad person. Yeah, I'm like that. So, thanks, I guess. :)

  29. Thanks for offering the distinction between sociability and relationality.

  30. I'm an introvert, and I attend an Episcopal parish that is liturgical but whose motto is not (to borrow a lyric) "Let all mortal flesh keep silence." Do the E/I demographics of this parish roughly correspond to the E/I demographics of the surrounding neighborhoods? It appears to.

    There are some demographics where this parish is reasonably diverse (politics, sexual preference, age) but other demographics where it is not (income, education, race). This is an ongoing struggle.

  31. Certainly there are two extremes on this subject. To even approach "introvert = bad" us Biblically unthinkable; however, we're still called as leaders to take people from where they are to where they need to be. This means: 1) Extroverts need to calm down a bit, socially, and not be intimidating to the less outwardly courageous; and 2) Introverts need to improve and increase their communication skills so as to be able to fulfill their part om the Great Commission. Rich 10SN

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