Fridays with Benedict: Chapter 68, Learning to Have Hard Conversations

In Chapter 68 of The Rule of St. Benedict instructions are given to brothers who feel that they have been given a job or task that is too big for them. In such a situation Benedict writes that the brother...
2...should choose the appropriate moment and explain patiently to his superior the reason why he cannot perform the task. 3This he ought to do without pride, obstinacy or refusal.
As the Chair of the Psychology Department at ACU I often have students come to me to complain about faculty. And the complaints are often the very complaints Benedict is talking about here--burdens given by the teacher/superior that the student feels are too heavy or unfair. And I find myself, in these situations, making recommendations very much like those of Benedict. I encourage the student to approach the professor to raise these concerns. But we spend a lot of time on self-mastery and maturity in preparing for that conversation. If you go in there, I tell the students, with guns a'blazing, with anger or accusation, nothing will be accomplished. But if you are calm, reasonable, and mature you just might get a hearing.

I tell the students that learning how to have hard conversations and learning how to have them well is one of the most important life skills that they can master.

This entry was posted by Richard Beck. Bookmark the permalink.

6 thoughts on “Fridays with Benedict: Chapter 68, Learning to Have Hard Conversations”

  1. ...and it does not change when we leave school and go out into the real world. I work in the financial area of the Medical field, and sometimes the expectations of the corporate office feels so unreasonable. Sometimes my perception is that the different departments that send me emails to do "this, that and the other thing" have no communication with one another as to how much work they lay on the local facility. And guess what, there are times I think to myself, this is just like college where none of the profs cared about how much of a load that the others were putting on us.


    But, like I said....it is the "REAL WORLD", and when I am able just to sit down and discuss the situation with one who is my superior I remember that this person also has a boss, who, also, is feeling the weight.


    The admonition to "bear one another's burdens" is not just a challenge for fellow church members to be helpful to one another; it is supposed to be the way we respond daily when we, with our own burden, have a chance to see the weight on another person's back. Then our complaints seem trivial. After all, we can still take them to God.

  2. This video is about more than just what the title might suggest. Wonderful examination of hard discussions.



    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSR4xuU07sc

  3. Excellent. As a guidance counselor, I have this conversation with my high school students all the time about their teachers. The parents often want me to intervene and I have to tell them this is a skill their kids need to learn. I often see
    the parents never learned it... sigh.

  4. "I tell the students that learning how to have hard conversations and learning how to have them well is one of the most important life skills that they can master."

    I agree.

Leave a Reply