Al Shall Be Wele: Chapter 9, "it was not shewid me that God lovid me better"

"it was not shewid me that God lovid me better"

In Chapter 9 Julian pauses and steps back to consider how her showings situate her within the larger Christian community. She's acutely concerned that, because she has been given these revelations, that she will be perceived, by herself and others, as being in a more elevated spiritual position. Julian wants to rebut that view, even if just for herself. She writes:

For sothly it was not shewid me that God lovid me better than the lest soule that is in grace, for I am sekir that there be many that never had shewing ner sight but of the comon techyng of Holy Church that loven God better than I.

My translation:

For surely it was not showed to me that God loved me better than the least soul that is in grace, for I am sure that there are many who never had showings or sights, except that of the common teaching of the Holy Church, who love God better than I.

As Julian recognizes, there are many who love God better than she does who have not received special visions or mystical revelations. As she succinctly puts it: "For if I loke singularly to myselfe I am right nowte." (Translation: "For if I look directly at myself, I am nothing.") In short, the faithful cannot be sorted on account of mystical experiences or insights.

This is an observation that flows right out of 1 Corinthians 13: "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." 

Julian is also keen to point out that her showings are in accord with the teachings of the Church. As she writes:

But in al thing I leve as Holy Church levith, preachith, and teachith. For the feith of Holy Church, the which I had afornhand understonden and, as I hope, by the grace of God wilfully kept in use and custome, stode continualy in my sight, willing and meneing never to receive onything that might be contrary therunto.

My translation:

But in everything I believe as the Holy Church believes, preaches, and teaches. For the faith of the Holy Church, which I had come to understand and, as I hope, by the grace of God to faithfully observe in practice, stood continually before my sight, so that I would never will or intend to receive anything that might be contrary to it.

Stepping back, Chapter 9 is a great expression of humility. While Julian has had extraordinary visions and insights, she does not think that these place her in any elevated position. More, she does not privilege her experiences over the church. She seeks to find depth and illumination from within recieved boundaries. 

I'm put in mind of Paul's own desire to check his mystical revelations and insights over against the understandings and authority of others. From Galatians 2:

Then after fourteen years, I went up again to Jerusalem, this time with Barnabas. I took Titus along also. I went in response to a revelation and, meeting privately with those esteemed as leaders, I presented to them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. I wanted to be sure I was not running and had not been running my race in vain.

Previously, in Chapter 1, Paul describes how he had received his gospel: "I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel I preached is not of human origin. I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ." And yet, having received his gospel as a "revelation from Jesus Christ," Paul describes, here in Chapter 2, checking that revelation against the understandings of the Jerusalem church, with Peter and James specifically, in order to determine if he "was not running and had not been running my race in vain." This is very similar to how Julian was checking her own visions against the teachings of the church. And critical to all of this is the virtue of humility. Beware the narcissistic mystic.