The preliminary, background-setting point I want to make is one I've made before. Specifically, modernity has existentially altered our relationship with death. Where generations past had a more stoical and resigned relationship with death, today we are increasingly traumatized and fragilized. By no means do I want to minimize our personal griefs, losses and bereavements, not today and not in the past, but I do want to point out how the most predictable fact of human life, that we all will die as will everyone we love, is now experienced as something shocking and surprising.
What has caused this change in our relationship to death?
According to Ernest Becker, American culture is characterized by a "denial of death." American culture specializes in helping us repress our awareness of death, causing us to live with illusions of perpetual youth, health, and immortality. Our working assumption is that we will live forever. Geoffery Gorer describes this as "the pornography of death." Death is, as I describe in Stranger God, our "dirty little secret." Public mention or recognition of death is deemed inappropriate and unseemly. Talking about death makes people uncomfortable. As Gorer observes, the modern world has experienced a seismic shift in prudery:
In the 20th century, however, there seems to have been an unremarked shift in prudery; whereas copulation has become more and more “mentionable,” particularly in the AngloSaxon societies, death has become more and more “unmentionable” as a natural process.
How is this illusion maintained? According to McGill, "Americans accomplish this illusion by devoting themselves to expunging from their lives every appearance, every intimation of death . . . All traces of weakness, debility, ugliness and helplessness must be kept away from every part of a person’s life. The task must be done every single day if such persons really are to convince us that they do not carry the smell of death within them."