These great pains come from a vision Julian has concerning a master and his servant. Prior to this vision, Julian is struggling to understand sin, blame, and wrath in relation to God and human sinfulness. In Julian's "showings" she has come to see that sin cannot be found in God, sin is "no where." Nor is there any blame or wrath in God. Consequently, if not in God, where are all these things--sin, blame, wrath--to be found in the world?
In puzzling about this, Julian is given a vision of a master and a servant. The master gives the servant a mission and the servant joyfully and obediently sets off. Tragedy befalls the servant when he falls into a pit. There he lies stunned and hurt. Julian is given the insight that this servant symbolizes Adam. And not just Adam, the servant in the pit represents the plight of all sinful humanity.
In describing the hurt of the servant upon falling into the pit, Julian writes:
[After being sent on a mission by his lord, the servant] falls immediately into a slough and is very badly hurt. And then he groans and moans and wails and writhes, but he cannot get up to help himself in any way. And in all this I saw that his greatest trouble was lack of help, for he could not turn his face to look at his loving lord, who was very close to him, and who is the source of all help; but, like a man who was weak and foolish for the time being, he paid no attention to his own senses, and his misery continued, and in misery he suffered seven great torments.
This translation is from Elizabeth Spearing. A more contemporary translation (sort of like The Message version of Revelations of Divine Love) by Mirabai Starr uses "great pains" rather than "torments." I'm going to go with "great pains" to describe in this series the "seven great pains of sin."
Julian goes on, through the vision of the servant in the pit, to enumerate and describe the seven great pains of sin. The first is simple and straightforward: "The first was the severe bruising he sustained when he fell." Spearing translates it as "grievous bruising."
Severe and grievous bruising, then, is the first great pain of sin.
I don't know about you, but I find this vision of sin-as-bruising to be deeply evocative. And also true.
Within myself, I feel beaten up by my sin. I feel punched and hurt. I feel bruised--in my heart, soul, and mind. I feel wounded and damaged.
A difference between my bruising and that within Julian's vision is that my bruising is largely self inflicted.
And lest there be any misunderstanding, this isn't a moralistic or judgmental sermon. There is no wrathful God in play here. Nor any hell. I am merely being descriptive. I am bruised.
