As I said last Friday, we're staying in Chapter 19 of Julian's Revelations this week because I want to draw attention to Julian's first description of her distinctive anthropology.
Recall from last week Julian is tempted to look away from the cross toward heaven. But Julian resists this temptation by choosing Jesus as her heaven. She then concludes Chapter 19 with a reflection upon this temptation, the struggle between her flesh (which wanted to escape the suffering of cross) and her soul (which chose Jesus, who is on the cross, as her heaven). And in describing this relation between her flesh and soul Julian begins to unfold her antropological vision:
Thus was I lerid to chose Jesus to my Hevyn, whome I saw only in payne at that tyme. Me lekyd no other Hevyn than Jesus, which shal be my blisse whan I come there, and this hath ever be a comfort to me, that I chase Jesus to my Hevyn be His grace in al this tyme of passion and sorow. And that hat be a lernyng to me that I should evermor done so - chesyn only Jesus to my Hevyn in wele and wo. And thow I as a wretch had repentid me - I sayd aforn if I had wiste what peyne it had be, me had be loth to have prayed - here saw I sothly that it was grutching and darning of the flesh without assent of the soule, in whych God assignyth no blame. Repenting and wilful choys be two contrarys which I felte both in one at that tyme, and tho be two parties, that one outward, that other inward. The outeward party is our dedely fleshede which is now in peyne and wo, and shal be in this life, whereof I felt mech in this tyme, and that party was that repentid. The inward party is an high blisfull life, which is al in pece and in love, and this was more privily felte, and this party is in which, mightyly, wysly, and wilfully, I chase Jesus to my Hevyn. And in this I saw sothly that the inward party is master and soverayn to the outeward, and not charging ne takyng hede to the will of that, but al the entent and will is sett endlesly to be onyd into our Lord Jesus. That the outeward part should draw the inward to assent was not shewid to me, but that the inward drawith the outeward by grace and bothe shal be onyd in blisse without end be the vertue of Criste - this was shewid.
Translation:
Thus I learned to choose Jesus as my Heaven, whom I saw only in pain at that time. I liked no other Heaven than Jesus, which shall be my bliss when I come there, and this has ever been a comfort to me, that I chose Jesus to be my Heaven by his grace in all this time of passion and sorrow.
And that is something I learned, that I should evermore do so — choosing only Jesus to be my Heaven in well and woe.
And though I, as a wretch, had repented me — I said before, if I had known what pain it had been, I would have been loath to have prayed — here saw I truly that it was grumbling and dreading of the flesh without assent of the soul, in which God assigns no blame.
Repenting and willing choice are two contraries, which I felt both in one at that time, and they are two parties, the one outward, the other inward.
The outward party is our deadly flesh, which is now in pain and woe, and shall be in this life, whereof I felt much in this time, and that party was that which repented.
The inward party is a high, blissful life, which is all in peace and in love, and this was more privately felt, and this party is in which, mightily, wisely, and willingly, I chose Jesus to be my Heaven.
And in this I saw truly that the inward party is master and sovereign to the outward, and not charging nor taking heed to the will of that, but all the intent and will is set endlessly to be united into our Lord Jesus.
That the outward part should draw the inward to assent was not shown to me, but that the inward draws the outward by grace, and both shall be united in bliss without end by the virtue of Christ — this was shown.
For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold as a slave under sin. For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. Now if I do what I do not want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one that does it, but it is the sin that lives in me.
Notice a couple of things here. Because Paul doesn’t inwardly assent to his sinful actions then Paul isn’t the one sinning. He says this clearly: “Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one that does it.” Got that? I sin, but I am not the one doing it. Julian seems to adopt this idea. Because the innermost self does not consent to sin the soul is blameless before God.
